to begin and to discard (what possible?)
early drafts, plotlines, trains of
loving is such simple, inefficient work ah, well
day fraying, cloudlit, little
frayed so, so (it’s the end of the rope)
so - how do we tie the damn thing together?
must musty dustcollect
we have so much
to live for/getting /giving /tune
pick it up as you go along, will ya?
we go a long
while
meanwhile, and with similar
endurances
we go a stray
dog, a pregnant one
resting roadside in the dust
we go a way
so - carefully
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
what you dreamed
the first time I came back from East Africa:
The island in the dark. Tiki torches. The gutted plane. The steward? Yes, they call them so? Male flight attendant. The story: you are on an island. There is this much light here. You have a chance now to go home. Yes? You will have to travel into the dark, dark, dark. the storm over the ocean. Are you willing?
Is it safe?
No.
Will I survive?
Maybe.
Would you do it?
No.
(the only way home)
I go. I choose to go. (and today?)
The island in the dark. Tiki torches. The gutted plane. The steward? Yes, they call them so? Male flight attendant. The story: you are on an island. There is this much light here. You have a chance now to go home. Yes? You will have to travel into the dark, dark, dark. the storm over the ocean. Are you willing?
Is it safe?
No.
Will I survive?
Maybe.
Would you do it?
No.
(the only way home)
I go. I choose to go. (and today?)
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
to the heartland
to the heartland
breathing, the body
the city turns to corn
one at a time like teeth
corn turns to sky, flat
your hand perhaps here
the center a river-dug canyon
skin, nerve, spine, sun
falls away and stars
hurtle light to a point
to a pupil, through years
or the moon gives us back our shadow
or the dark we don’t know
not a distance, not quite
a ruin or a name
breathing, the body
the city turns to corn
one at a time like teeth
corn turns to sky, flat
your hand perhaps here
the center a river-dug canyon
skin, nerve, spine, sun
falls away and stars
hurtle light to a point
to a pupil, through years
or the moon gives us back our shadow
or the dark we don’t know
not a distance, not quite
a ruin or a name
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
out
IMF on the news advertising cuts
grass grown tall
rain, diagonal
R makes chapatti and puts a plate over it so it stays warm
3:09 AM
grass grown tall
rain, diagonal
R makes chapatti and puts a plate over it so it stays warm
3:09 AM
Monday, April 11, 2011
(in you)
I hear there is a strike for transport. There is no money here since elections and many people walk miles to work. They show the silhouette of crowds at dawn on the news. Today A tells me there is a strike. For what? I don't know exactly. I walk to town.
What is on my mind while I am walking:
Bonnie Marranca quotes Cage quoting Thoreau.
"If when you are in the woods, the woods are not in you, then what right do you have being in the woods?"
Young man walking halfway. I am walking to church. Jesus is my personal saviour. (I don't understand what salvation is.) So, when you are free, you pray to him. (I don't understand what praying is.) Do you know how I can get a friend in the states? (I don't understand what a friend is.) It is hot here in Africa. (Shhhhh. shhhh. I am thinking.)
To be in Africa. In solitude. In Africa. For Africa to be in solitude. I am because we are in solitude. What right do I have to be in Africa?
Pinch my nose through a cloud of diesel. Shortcut.
I'm not a very good activist. I am interested in politics as an extension of an aesthetic exploration of "the real" - an imagination that the real is the consequential. What is made to have consequence through action in the world. It's a formal interest, a passionate curiosity about perception and ontology.
MLK talks this way about JFK - that he is interested in the race issue intellectually, it does not yet touch him personally.
I think this is true for me too. Not necessarily about racism, but about advocacy in general.
I dream broken language. I dream reading that oscillates between sound and sign. I dream trying to read everything at once.
Bonnie says, US avant garde has long history of trying to break stillness against the social. The impulse towards abstraction (exploration of consciousness, "I am") against impulse towards democracy (popular/populist culture, popular modes and sites of production, "we are"). Made-up, if useful, dichotomy of Eastern culture against Western culture. Or here, in communal impulses in much African dance, drama, ways of working and my own love of solitude. If much energy here is towards mainstreaming, towards careful and self-guided development of voice from within - than it should be. How do I remain responsible to my own interests in order to be responsible to others?
A fork in the road. Am momentarily disoriented. All the ways look familiar.
To what, or to whom do we... I forget the rest...
To
be fully here
in a room where you are not wanted -
who is wanting?
to be fully
impatient
to be
to be impatient
to be fully here in the room (in you) where you are not wanted
to be fully here
parking lot. bag search. french toast.
I don't want this.
(shape of surrender)
What is on my mind while I am walking:
Bonnie Marranca quotes Cage quoting Thoreau.
"If when you are in the woods, the woods are not in you, then what right do you have being in the woods?"
Young man walking halfway. I am walking to church. Jesus is my personal saviour. (I don't understand what salvation is.) So, when you are free, you pray to him. (I don't understand what praying is.) Do you know how I can get a friend in the states? (I don't understand what a friend is.) It is hot here in Africa. (Shhhhh. shhhh. I am thinking.)
To be in Africa. In solitude. In Africa. For Africa to be in solitude. I am because we are in solitude. What right do I have to be in Africa?
Pinch my nose through a cloud of diesel. Shortcut.
I'm not a very good activist. I am interested in politics as an extension of an aesthetic exploration of "the real" - an imagination that the real is the consequential. What is made to have consequence through action in the world. It's a formal interest, a passionate curiosity about perception and ontology.
MLK talks this way about JFK - that he is interested in the race issue intellectually, it does not yet touch him personally.
I think this is true for me too. Not necessarily about racism, but about advocacy in general.
I dream broken language. I dream reading that oscillates between sound and sign. I dream trying to read everything at once.
Bonnie says, US avant garde has long history of trying to break stillness against the social. The impulse towards abstraction (exploration of consciousness, "I am") against impulse towards democracy (popular/populist culture, popular modes and sites of production, "we are"). Made-up, if useful, dichotomy of Eastern culture against Western culture. Or here, in communal impulses in much African dance, drama, ways of working and my own love of solitude. If much energy here is towards mainstreaming, towards careful and self-guided development of voice from within - than it should be. How do I remain responsible to my own interests in order to be responsible to others?
A fork in the road. Am momentarily disoriented. All the ways look familiar.
To what, or to whom do we... I forget the rest...
To
be fully here
in a room where you are not wanted -
who is wanting?
to be fully
impatient
to be
to be impatient
to be fully here in the room (in you) where you are not wanted
to be fully here
parking lot. bag search. french toast.
I don't want this.
(shape of surrender)
Thursday, April 7, 2011
impatience
if witness is patient. if perfect patience is not for satisfaction...
I listened to Martin Luther King's autobiography a couple times last summer when driving from LA to CT, and one thing that stays with me is his frustration with people asking for patience inside of social change; that he should ask for justice along a more comfortable timeline. He says the people who advocated patience were more difficult to bear than the people who were overtly defending racist laws and practices.
I think it is true that for patience to be virtuous it must be entirely itself, patience for patience. But I also wonder if virtue is enough (for what?) Is a virtuosity of witness irrelevant to the world? What is the advocated thing?
I listened to Martin Luther King's autobiography a couple times last summer when driving from LA to CT, and one thing that stays with me is his frustration with people asking for patience inside of social change; that he should ask for justice along a more comfortable timeline. He says the people who advocated patience were more difficult to bear than the people who were overtly defending racist laws and practices.
I think it is true that for patience to be virtuous it must be entirely itself, patience for patience. But I also wonder if virtue is enough (for what?) Is a virtuosity of witness irrelevant to the world? What is the advocated thing?
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