(in you)

I hear there is a strike for transport. There is no money here since elections and many people walk miles to work. They show the silhouette of crowds at dawn on the news. Today A tells me there is a strike. For what? I don't know exactly. I walk to town.

What is on my mind while I am walking:

Bonnie Marranca quotes Cage quoting Thoreau.
"If when you are in the woods, the woods are not in you, then what right do you have being in the woods?"

Young man walking halfway. I am walking to church. Jesus is my personal saviour. (I don't understand what salvation is.) So, when you are free, you pray to him. (I don't understand what praying is.) Do you know how I can get a friend in the states? (I don't understand what a friend is.) It is hot here in Africa. (Shhhhh. shhhh. I am thinking.)

To be in Africa. In solitude. In Africa. For Africa to be in solitude. I am because we are in solitude. What right do I have to be in Africa?

Pinch my nose through a cloud of diesel. Shortcut.

I'm not a very good activist. I am interested in politics as an extension of an aesthetic exploration of "the real" - an imagination that the real is the consequential. What is made to have consequence through action in the world. It's a formal interest, a passionate curiosity about perception and ontology.
MLK talks this way about JFK - that he is interested in the race issue intellectually, it does not yet touch him personally.
I think this is true for me too. Not necessarily about racism, but about advocacy in general.

I dream broken language. I dream reading that oscillates between sound and sign. I dream trying to read everything at once.

Bonnie says, US avant garde has long history of trying to break stillness against the social. The impulse towards abstraction (exploration of consciousness, "I am") against impulse towards democracy (popular/populist culture, popular modes and sites of production, "we are"). Made-up, if useful, dichotomy of Eastern culture against Western culture. Or here, in communal impulses in much African dance, drama, ways of working and my own love of solitude. If much energy here is towards mainstreaming, towards careful and self-guided development of voice from within - than it should be. How do I remain responsible to my own interests in order to be responsible to others?

A fork in the road. Am momentarily disoriented. All the ways look familiar.

To what, or to whom do we... I forget the rest...

To
be fully here
in a room where you are not wanted -
who is wanting?
to be fully
impatient
to be
to be impatient
to be fully here in the room (in you) where you are not wanted
to be fully here

parking lot. bag search. french toast.

I don't want this.
(shape of surrender)